There are a few repeaters in my area that I have requested access. One of them I requested access twice in a year and a half (private repeater). The owner states that you have to give him certain information including a valid phone number so he can conduct a phone interview. Of course, I never heard from the owner. I don't care enough to look into it more. The rules for requesting access was a red flag but I tried anyway. On the other hand I have requested access on some other repeaters, not in my area, and received permission in a day or two.
If there is an open repeater listed, with tones, that requires you to request access and I don't hear from the owner I will just use the repeater. If questioned by the owner I will then ask permission on the air. That has never happened. I don't understand why there are still owners that have repeaters listed as open, with the tones listed, yet they still want you to request access.
I don't tend to play well with others and my use of radio is to make quick contact with people I know for a specific purpose. If repeater owners go the route of drama I don't get mad, I just erase the info from my radio and move on. It is their machine so they can have their rules. On the HAM side, if some moron wants to critique my radio usage I just finish my transmission and ignore them. I don't use radio, Amateur or GMRS, for meeting random basement dwellers in the darkest hours of the night so I don't really run into those type of repeater people very often.
Don't take it too seriously.